Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of this raging-hormonal pool or mess of people. Being at college sometimes gets to you. I'm surrounded by super smart people, but it seems like all they want to do is fuck each other. Go ahead and do it, but don't go sleeping around with ten other people. I just find it immoral. I want to go home, back to at least some of the sanity.

I think I'm going to join a sorority. I have to wait for Recruitment next semester, but I've been going to all of the social events and I really love it for some reason. Most of all, I've made a lot of friends here who are in both sororities and fraternities and they say it's one of the best decisions they've ever made, to go Greek. I'd really like to be in Kappa Alpha Theta. Mostly because I get along with those girls really well, and I have so much in common with them. Not to mention they were the first sorority established in the US, and they hold the highest gpa on campus. And because of their purpose: The intellectual ambition of the Sorority shall be the attainment of highest scholarship. The social aim of the Sorority shall be to exercise the widest influence for good. The moral aim of the Sorority shall be the standard of love.

I'm nineteen and it's my last year to be a teenager. And I feel like there's this whole mark that I'm going to hit, and I'll just become too old to function anymore. I hate that feeling.

I'll tell you what life's about. Life's all about emotion. Because in the end nothing else matters. Money, school, work, everything, it doesn't matter. It matters how you felt and what you experienced in those feelings. I get side tracked easily from schoolwork now because I'm concerned with just building relationships with people. It's so much more interesting than anything else.

Last night was one of those nights where I went from feeling happy then spiraling down to sadness, then an hour later feeling ecstatic. Today was tiring, I felt exhausted when I woke up and kept that same feeling throughout the day, as if just getting better from a long, long cold.

You know, I'd rather dance by myself than with anyone else. That's when I feel most free.

It feels like death when I crawl into bed-
(Maybe it’s all in my head)
Even when my nerves are filled with pleasure
I’m sure he’s in there somewhere,
Deep in my soul, bones, or—
My dress. Liquid and warmth so it goes,
All dripping, clinging, pulling, wrinkling and there
I lie half-living.
And one day They will grow inside me
Apologetically I conceal what They do not know,
(Maybe it’s all in my head)
Swallow my words like
They’re nurturing; as if they can inflict
No dark, only pure.
“I love you, I love you”
Dear ones. Already.
And they say, “I forgive you, I forgive you”
We’ll live on for you in every-living-way.
Breathing, breathing--
Will they, will they?
(Maybe it’s all in my head)
For what I have done already goes
Numb.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! :]

it's times like these when i really wish i had a black kitty.

I've been sick for a week. Today I went to my FS class and the room started spinning. I'm so fucking dizzy. Last night I sat there and tried to write a Shakespeare paper for four hours-- four freaking hours. The page was starting to merge words together. I was walking down Brooks Walk today and the bricks on the floor started to look like liquid. What the hell is going on.

Eliminate all the poison from your life, and you'll realize how much better things can be.

I am half happy, half empty, all of the time. But I'm learning to cope with it. I love all of my friends here at college. It seems like I've known them longer than I have, you know? I'm doing well. So far all A's in my classes. I go home tomorrow for Fall Break and cannot wait :] I get to see my best!<333

I'm not sure if I'm going to tag anyone in this right now...because I'm lazy. But I'll go back and edit 8]. Was tagged by blackberry_eye aka Sadie the loff of moy loife <3333

1. It's a rainy day. Which one is your choice:
reading in my room, or watching movies in the dark with a bunch of pillows surrounding me.

2. What kind of books do you read?
fiction fiction fiction. yeah, mostly fiction, and poetry.

3. What are your most awesome skills?
do you even have to ask?

4. What's your occupation?
being an english major down in pennsylvania where almost everyone has funky accents, and I do too, according to them xD

5. What's really creepy?
creepers. And I heard today there’s a bat in Brooks. AHHHH. Also a ghost. Fuck. I’m typing this in word and it keeps making me capitalize shit, oh well.

6. What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
dr pepper as usual…Arizona iced tea has grown on me quite a bit. Uhm, sippy cups? Hahahaha my friends across the hall bought one for me because I’m hopeless and spill everything. Also, posters. I went on a poster spree yesterday. Fuck I haven’t had time to watch tv.

7. What flavor ice cream would you choose right now?
chocolate almond, obv. Or birthday cake =D never knew the wonders of that shit til I tried dip n dots of it

8. What websites do you always visit when you go online?
facebook, my Allegheny e-mail, LJ (not lately), weather.com ahahahahah

9. What was the last thing you bought?
POSTERS.

10. What was the cutest thing you've seen today?
a puppy. Yeah im being totally legit, someone was walking one around campus

11. Do you get cravings? If so, what do you crave?
all the time. All different things. Last night it was chicken wing pizza. But that didn’t happen because I was waiting at the pharmacy with my friend kara for an hour and a half so we got tv dinners xD

12. Which one do you think is more important: health or happiness?
ehhhh. They sort of correspond to one another, so I can’t say.

13. Which member of your family is closest to you?
none of them, really. I consider my friends family.

14. Do you want to learn another language?
latin.

15. Five things you can't live without.
peacefulness, freedom, friendship, love, and honesty. And caffeine.

16. Which one is more difficult to you: to hate or to love?
in a sense, to love. even though I do and can love.

17. What are you looking forward to?
for this literary magazine to start, and wind symphony!

18. Say something to the person who tagged you.
that’d be Sadie and she already knows I fawking love her until the end of time =]

I love college so much that I almost don't want to go back home. I've met people here that remind me of friends back home- that makes me miss them. But it also gives me a comforting feeling. Everyone here is a friend, it seems like. Even if you don't know someone, you can go up to them and talk about anything, and usually they're so interesting. Then, right after that, you've made a friend. I love it. I wish things were like that back in high school, it would've made the whole four years a lot less like hell. Anyway, it's gorgeous here and I wouldn't change a thing about my classes. I especially love my Love and Friendship professor- he's old, hilarious, and so smart. I'm learning so much already and I've only been here a week and a half :)

Why does it mean more coming in the mail?
O boy, a pretty little headband--
And what does it give you?
How does it suit you, that delicate silver thing
I would like to know why possessions
Are so valuable when they are
Called someone's own. Why else would you
Keep them dear, when they serve you no use?
They will sit atop my head for decoration
And yours, I hope, what poisons you have
Collected will gather in and those
Things, and stuff, and petty objects
And attack you in your sleep--
A wreath jeweled in this season's greens
Wrapped around my head, but see, for me
A garland and a crown weren't meant for
Any year, any day, but for royalty quite possibly
Might let your hands touch such a coronet, yet
Placed upon your false monarchial head
Watches itself go wrong instead. And
Seep into that thick-head skull of yours;
Brilliant mind, brilliant brain,
And leave no trace of wrong from me.

I really don't know who could be much cooler than her.

For the past week, probably more than that, I've been extremely busy. And not with work or anything, but hanging out with friends. It's nice. Last night I slept over at Sadie's house. We were taking pictures at the park after dusk and someone apparently called the cops on us because the flash was extremely bright, and they thought the light was coming out of her car hahaha. We ended up telling the cop that we were taking pictures for our "photography class". So we drove off and he practically followed us down three streets XD. We finally lost him though, just in time before Sadie turned the completely wrong way down the street and went over the curb in the middle of main street. We were laughing so hard. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long, long time. But yeah, last night was so much fun <3. I love my best friend :)

"Sometimes I get this feeling...this feeling to jump off a roof."
"You wanna die?"
"No. It's what I feel like all the time. With the things I do, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. It's like being on the edge of a roof all the time."


-Phoebe In Wonderland

"Along the way you bump into people who make a dent on your life. Some people get struck by lightning. Some are born to sit by a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim the English Channel. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people can dance."

-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button


One of my all time new favorite movies <3

I graduate high school tomorrow? Is this a joke?